November 2010
2 posts
A TALE OF TWO LOUDMOUTHS
Here’s something I never thought I’d say: Chad Johnson (I’ve never called him Ochocinco) could learn a lot from T.O. Both love to get in your face. Only one does more than talk. T.O. uses his anger as motivation, willing himself to perform. Maybe even performing just enough so he can keep on talking. Who knows. Whatever his motivation, at least he puts up numbers. Unlike 85,...
OHER VS. SMITH: A TALE IN OBVIOUS CONCLUSIONS
Note: This was written before Andre Smith actually started playing in games. Of course, with all the false starts it’s still pretty damn relevant. In the pre-draft buildup, we heard all about Michael Oher – a talented, motivated, player with an amazing tale of perseverance. A walking cliché – in a good way, of course – who overcame the odds through hard hard hard work. Some more clichés: a...
October 2009
3 posts
4 tags
…AND THE GAMEBALL GOES TO MIKE ZIMMER
If the Bengals continue on their current pace, they’ll likely lose more than a few fans come playoff time. Not to anger or apathy, mind you—but to cardiology. Because those not suffering life-ending heart attacks will likely have their seasons cut short on doctor’s orders, with tri-state cardiologists urging them to tone down any excessive excitement. Which is, of course, the current M.O. of the...
Spencer Pratt making mean faces means he's an MMA...
According to my sources (Yahoo Sports and um, this video above), Spencer Pratt and his beautiful beardlet fancy themselves an MMA fighter. And so, um, well, I don’t really feel like talking about him anymore so here’s the article, optimistically called “Spencer Pratt, please stay away from MMA” (I don’t think the rhyming was intentional): http://bit.ly/rMYXK
…AND DOWN GOES KIMBO
So there you have it: he wasn’t ready. Doesn’t mean he won’t ever be ready, but right now? Nope.
That being said, he did land some good shots. Nelson definitely has a solid chin. And Kimbo’s takedown defense was pretty good early on. I even started comparing him to Chuck Liddell a little in my head (a solid striker with good enough defense to keep the fight standing up).
And then, not so much.
...
September 2009
5 posts
9 tags
The Steelers are laughing even in defeat
To exuberant Bengals fan: stop celebrating artificial milestones. The victory over the Steelers was amazing. It was a great come-from-behind victory fueled by flawless quarterbacking and spot on play calling.
But great teams—Super Bowl teams—don’t celebrate regular season victories.
Remember a few years back when the Bengals beat the Steelers and won the division? What happened next? The Bengals...
11 tags
The Ultimate Angle
Here’s a question I’ve been wrestling with (n.p.i.) ever since Kimbo joined the TUF cast: Is Dana White bringing him in just to get his ass beat? Or is he giving him a valid shot?
Really, both options are a win for Dana and the UFC. But I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that ego-wise, he’d rather Kimbo lose, if only to back up his previous bashings. Of course, if Kimbo wins, the ratings boost can...
16 tags
9 tags
16 tags
NOT BAD IS GOOD: the sort of pathetic saga of the...
Note: this piece, in which the author interviews himself, was done before the previous NFL season
Matt Kelsen is a lifelong Cincinnati Bengals fan, often considered the worst franchise in professional sports. Though the Bengals were a one time Super Bowl contender, Matt is too young to know anything but stories. Thus, upon moving out of state, the 26 year old has declared himself a free agent.
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